I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize