So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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