When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
