Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
