I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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