That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
