FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
