Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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