Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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