i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
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