Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
