He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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