He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
