Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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