things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
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Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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