I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
