plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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