Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
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Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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