when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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