dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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