Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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