apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
