p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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