He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
