You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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