Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
love makes seman taste better
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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