Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
