he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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