explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i think my cat just said my name.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
