Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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