It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I want a musical about memes.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
