talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
