Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
