...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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