Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
