I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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