Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
