All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
