It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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