I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize