My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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