dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
