I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
