his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize