I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
