I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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