I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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