Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
