Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
