you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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