her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
