we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
