I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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