The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
