I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
