I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
