Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
