I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
