she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
