I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
