So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
