The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
