I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I AM VODKA MAN
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
