my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
