After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Randomize
