i was born a porn star she said
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
