I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
